Movie Review: The Crazies
Prinz Lee wrote this review 5 years and 5 months ago
(HEAVY SIGH) So here we are with another remake. Man, what’s with Hollywood these days? I’m really starting to think that their writers are still on strike or have been kidnapped and writing films for some underground warlord somewhere in one of those dreaded third-world-countries. With complications brought upon within the Horror genre considering major classics, I can only wonder when we’ll get something new! Something appealing! Something that will shock the shit out of us! (Spare me anything after the first Saw) You know, for all of my readers… I’ve said it before… the ONLY person out there with a twisted mind to date and able to deliver a good mind-twirling horror flick is Rob Zombie. Lets omit the Halloween franchise, as it only stood as strong as it possibly could… but with his prior pieces (and videos if I may add), I don’t think there’s anyone that’s been able to take his title. In time someone will pop up, but for now… everyone else is delivering cheap carbon-copies. I often wonder who exactly these contemporary/remake horror flicks are made for.
With that said, is it possible I could get the hour and forty minutes I wasted seeing The Crazies? No? Que jodienda! Oh, well… I think you know by now that this movie isn't good at all.
The Crazies is about a small American town who is the victim of a bio weapon that turns people insane and want to kill other people in extravagant ways. The toxin is spread through the water, when the plane that was holding the toxin crashed into their water supply. The Sheriff, David Dutton (Timothy Olyphant), and his wife, Judy Dutton (Radha Mitchell), are a few of the non-infected and desperately try to escape the town. While they run, they find a couple of survivors and they all try to avoid the military so they can live.
Bored by the plot already? That's what I thought.
The plot is riddled with zombie cliches that even someone as Zombie-like as Sarah Palin could see coming a mile away. It's hard to actually feel any sympathy towards the survivors, as they make stupid move after stupid move. It really is a wonder they last as long as they do without getting killed. After a while, I swear I actually wanted these idiots to die! If not by zombies, then the military… One scene that was particularly hard to watch was a scene where the survivors go into a car-wash to seek “refuge.” Are you kidding me?!!? Give me a fucking break with these illogical stupid-people-in-a-horror-movie move! I'm going to guess I wasn't the only one in the theater who could guess the car-wash would start up and they would be attacked. And guess what? They couldn't get out because they were stuck by that block that pulls you along. Get the car out of neutral!
Maybe it's that I'm spoiled from great zombie movies (Dawn of the Dead, 28 Days/Weeks Later, Shaun of the Dead Oh, and Zombieland) currently released… And horror movies like (The Exorcist, The original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Shinning and The Amityville Horror). Those are classic pieces of good scare flicks and to date I’ve yet to have seen anything any where near such a line up. Therefore, I conclude, comparing what I’ve mentioned versus The Crazies…? Nah, this movie is just that bad. So bad I’d rather have a stomach virus or walk around with an annoying contact rather than having to endure such a disaster.
Olyphant and Mitchell do some serious over the top acting. So over the top they should have fallen over themselves at some points. This type of acting may have passed when the original was made in 1973, but this type of acting doesn't get by anymore. We have seen great acting in zombie flicks that take themselves seriously (28 Days/Weeks Later). The violence is nothing great either. Olyphant's mustache has some serious continuity problems. That thing is long in the beginning, shorter in the end. He must have found a razor while running for his life. Mitchell's character is mentioned being pregnant a few times throughout the film, but seems more like a plot device at some points rather than true character development.
In movies like Saw, you know you'll cringe at the violence. Crazies doesn't even show us the good stuff and does silly tricks like show shadows of the killings. Lots and lots of blood, but that's about as “disgusting” as you’re going see.
This film never really gives us a definite type of zombie they deal with. At some points, they seem like mindless killing machines, but then have real conversations with each other. Both seemed to be used just to fit the plot better at that certain point and don't have any regard for the rest of the movie and the audience’s intelligence. I tell you, the silliness got to such a high point that the others in the theater started shouting at the screen.
I was so turned off by this film that even though I saw it for free, I still want my money back!