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Movie Review: Frozen

Prinz Lee image

Prinz Lee wrote this review 6 years and 3 months ago

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Written 2/6/10

Too many times I come across a film where I always say to myself "I would never do that!" And you know what? I wouldn't! Is it the norm for some people to be complete idiots and do away with common-sense? Yes! It's been proven time and time again. All I can say after watching this film is "If they would have listened to Bear Grylls (Discovery's Man vs Wild), their chances of survival would have been a bit better." I saw some slips that could have been vital to their survival, but who cares… sometimes dumb people need to suffer the consequences… especially young college kids who feel they know it all.

Yet another reason to stay inside the lodge, Frozen turns the irksome circumstance of a stalled ski lift into a semi-nightmarish test of survival. Like the '04 actors-as-bait shark shocker Open Water (another Sundance sensation), this new movie portrays low-budget creditability onto a high-concept premise that wouldn't raise an eyebrow in Hollywood.

A trip of fun-loving collegians – blowhard Dan (Unknown Actor #1), his blond-bunny girlfriend Parker (Unknown Actor #2) and third wheel Joe (Coincidentally/Ironically X-Men's Iceman) – bribe a distracted attendant into letting them take one final night run. Halfway to the top of the mountain, they're stranded high above the ground on the swinging bench, the park shut down and hungry wolves gather below. (Grr... Did I say hungry wolves…? Wow – that would make Trigger-crazed Sarah Palin cum!)

When writer-director Adam Green sticks to the calculations of urgency, his movie has a compelling gruesomeness: How long before someone jumps? Is that a ladder up ahead? What does frostbite really look like? But Green certainly gets what he pays for regarding his performers, a uniformly bland bunch not talented enough to strike ironic notes of vapidity. Lengthy monologues about favorite breakfast cereals, dating, puppies and the most horrible way to die test the endurance of all involved; a crackerjack screenwriter like Larry Cohen (Phone Booth) would have been more inventive between the lines. Better to defrost Alive or The Edge from the video icebox.

It's a film one can have fun with considering it's unique premise, but other than that… lots of logical mistakes, which drops its stock value. I guess now I know why this film was snubbed by Big-Willy Execs.

Sorry, but who in their right mind goes skiing without a cell?!? Dumb-asses!



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