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Movie Review: Battleship

Zachary Rose image

Zachary Rose wrote this review 4 years and 10 months ago

2     0

What can I say about "Battleship"? Nothing but bad things, this was hands down the worst movie premier I went to in the summer of '12. Honestly it was probably my own fault for forcing a movie premier into my schedule that night, it was a very "spur-of-the-moment" decision. The only semi-satisfying thing about the movie...Of course the special effects, which actually weren't too much different from Transformers 2. Maybe it's just me but I would think that, especially after being listed as #2 lead (or at least they advertised it as so), that he would at least be in the movie. He was in the begining I believe, and then for literally no more than a 10-second cut scene and then once again at the end. Probably had less than a paragraph of dialogue. Brooklyn Decker was a smokeshow as usual but somewhat failed to meet my expectations in regards to how revealing she was. (I know it's a family movie, but still...Why put an SI swimsuit cover model in a movie that takes place in Hawaii and not at least show sideboob?) I would say Rhianna was disappointing, I would say it if I actually had any expectations for her as a serious acttress. Her main objective onscreen was to be a "Rosey the Riviter-esque" action hero. My best comparison would be to compare her with a Lil' Kim-Colin Ferrell mix, it was very forced and unnecessary. I think everyone is with me in saying we would probably get our $8 back, if we weren't dumb enough to go see a new-concept Hasbro movie....Stretch Armstrong, if made, will be the only excpetion.



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