Movie Review: Ted
Prinz Lee wrote this review 4 years and 7 months ago
At first glance, the premise seems as dumb as…oh…I don’t know, a vampire killing president or Mel “Hitler” Gibson’s relations with a puppet. However, the difference with this piece…Seth MacFarlane! Need I say more? “Family Guy” and “American Dad” creator carries lots of testicular weight as he juggles many hats on his very first feature film. Going all the way with this cuddly, yet, crude R-rated comedy, MacFarlane’s humoristic genius flares like a pack of raging hemorrhoids!
Off the bat: “Ted” may have a cute appeal alongside Marky Mark, but truth is it’s not the type of film geared for your little sex-trophies. Not only would they wind up suffering severe PTSD, but I can totally see them making it an annoying cinematic experience for fans of MacFarlane, Wahlberg, Kunis (Who looks amazing!), or simply a film!
By far the funniest comedic screen-play my ears have endured all year, compliments the funniest teddy-bear I’ve ever known of during my 37 years of life! (Fuck you, “Care Bears!”) “Ted” traces a simple, subtle story between a teddy-bear and a man-boy in his mid 30s.
From the start, this crass piece gives you what it’s all about. A soothing, comforting narration provided by Patrick Stewart harshly introduces us to a young John Bennett – A boy who’s so unpopular and disliked, even when approaching a group of kids who would gladly embrace others to join in on their anti-Semitic act, even shoo him away.
Feeling down, all John wants is a friend, Don’t we all? His wishes are granted during a Christmas night when tucked in his room, he embraces a large talking teddy-bear he received as a gift. Naming him Teddy, he makes a wish which later turns out to be a life-changing experience.
Blending ups and downs as years go by, a much older, defamed Teddy and seriously, in-love with girlfriend Lori (Kunis), John (Wahlberg) live parallel lives of surviving as best they can, tied into some high times, along with a pretty obsessive attitude towards “Flash Gordon.”
MacFarlane’s debut into the world of feature film is a hit. Without holding back on anything, a lot of the laugh-out-loud moments obviously are provided by the fuzzy, cute, cuddly, hooker banging, vile teddy-bear. With a hardcore BA-ston accent and mind that goes in all sorts of directions, Teddy holds it down!
Balancing pretty good chemistry between Wahlberg, Kunis and CGI, MacFarlane has the ability to keep the film going without any kind of boredom or downers. Despite a continuity issue I spotted, and ok – but not so appealing – subplots involving Giovanni Ribisi as a creepy dad looking to please his spoiled, fat, little son and cliché pertaining the boss (Joel McHale) wanting the already taken girl, the movie maintains its comedy and strength.
In a nutshell: This is pretty much a film-based piece on “Family Guy.” The difference instead of a baby and dog, it’s a man and his teddy-bear. The film has just about every single insulting punch-line joke you can image, yet it seems so sweet and accepted when provided by a cute little Pooh-looking stuffed animal – and that’s only part of it. Why? Well, lets just say aside from all the potty-mouthing, there’s wild parties with unexpected twists, an interesting cameo, sex, fights, drugs and a hysterical moment where MacFarlane pays homage to 90s music and a CLASSIC comedy film.
Seth MacFarlane’s a breath of fresh air when it comes to R-rated comedies. His unique take on child-like characters brought forth in vile form is brilliant. It’s totally a film one needs to dislocate their brain on and have an open-minded sense-of-humor. Therefore, if you’re a conservative prude always quoting bible verses, and finds just about anything and everything “un-Godly,” stay away! This is “hell” on humorous, fuzzy wheels!