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Movie Review: Snow White And The Huntsman

Prinz Lee image

Prinz Lee wrote this review 4 years and 4 months ago

2     0

If I was an Emo, a teen or Goth aficionado, maybe I would be going nuts like that cat in Miami who chewed off that dude’s face about this flick. But I’m not! Why? Well, because this experience was a see-saw that went beyond what its run-time should have been.

Attention Team (Kristen) Stewart, even if she has lips as red as blood, and hair as dark as night, her acting in this film is as nauseously zombified as Twilight’s. For reasons beyond my comprehension, the role of Snow White doesn’t steer off much than Bella Swan. The exception: In this one she obtains body-armor, a sword and gets to sucker a bunch of guys (sound familiar?) into battle for purposes of saving her people. 

In-case you’re oblivious to it, Rupert Sanders’ flick is way beyond Disney’s sweetened delight. Snow White and the Huntsman is as dark as a black-out, as scary as marauding menaces to society during a black-out and as creepy as giant water-bugs crawling on your walls during that hot, humid black-out. (Laughing) Well, perhaps it was meant to be. The way I saw it, all I was given in the end was a lame attempt by someone who leaps out of a closet and screams. (Yawn) Mr. Director thinks he frightened me, but he failed.

I’m sure y’all know the premise, but if you don’t…in a nutshell: Snow White is a young princess who is imprisoned by her bitchy stepmother, Queen Ravenna (Charlize Theron), after she murders the King and takes his kingdom. The Queen, who feeds and thrives on the youth of young women and dark magic to keep herself eternally young, is informed by an enchanted mirror that Snow White’s uncorrupted heart will give her immortality.

What follows next is how Snow White once again captures her throne with the help of the huntsman (Chris “Thor” Hemsworth), who CLEARLY reminds you of Edward Cullen; her childhood friend Prince William (Sam Claflin), who CLEARLY reminds you of Jacob Black; a bunch of loose, un-kept dwarfs and an army, who CLEARLY reminds you of personal stuff and/or texts you didn’t take care of before the start of the movie.

However, where there’s stench of shit, there’s always air-freshener to ease the stink! Two (2) things one cannot ignore in this movie: 1 – Cinematography: From the Queen’s dark, eerie empire to the bright, magical land of dwarfs and fairies; it makes this film visually delicious... The contrast between worlds created is through the roof. 2 – Charlize Theron’s ability to act her ass off in this film! From devouring the intestines of birds to feeding on human hearts, she manages to raise the creep-o-meter bar pretty high – flooring Stewart’s performance.

Kristen Stewart really has nada, zero, zilch to offer – nothing new. The same goes for Chris Hemsworth. Seeing as both these individuals own their respective roles in their other franchise, I think we’re accustomed to it and/or them. As Bella and Thor, the ability to “play” those roles out have been molded in our brains so much, it’s an accepted brain-wave-like “reflex.”

Rupert Sanders’ film may (or WILL) find an audience with teenagers across the world, but for the rest of us, I think this is one we’ll watch for the sake of watching, sweep it under-the-rug and maybe deny it at some point.



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